Find Articles/Resources

Practical Protocol: Hospitality Industry Hot Buttons

What event and meeting planners need to know about receiving lines, seating arrangements and gift-giving for social, corporate and official affairs

By Hilka Klinkenberg

"It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water," remarked one Franklin P. Jones. Sounds a bit like a meeting planner's job description, doesn't it? It's a strange world of language, too, when protocol and etiquette are used interchangeably, because they are not synonymous. For professionals in the hospitality industry, it's important to be aware of this distinction because it affects the way in which certain situations are handled.

Etiquette pertains to the rules of good behavior one follows in everyday life, both socially and professionally. And, etiquette evolves as society changes. Not so with protocol. Yet business professionals, especially men, talk about protocol when they mean etiquette, perhaps because it sounds more official, less prissy.

Protocol means essentially, a body of universally accepted rules prescribing good manners in official life and in ceremonies involving governments and nations and their representatives. Protocol is vital in ensuring that relations between officials of organizations and governments are conducted with a minimum of friction and a maximum of efficiency. Protocol is the recognized system of international courtesy. Protocol can be confusing because the rules may be the opposite of what would be done outside of government and diplomatic circles. For example, according to social etiquette, the guest of honor would stay until the bitter end, until every last guest had left. In official life, according to protocol, the honor guest, if that person is also the ranking official, must leave first and no-one may leave until that person has done so. This is just one of many discrepancies that meeting planners must confront.

Let's take a look at the protocol and etiquette of three aspects of a meeting planner's job that can be real etiquette and protocol hot buttons: receiving lines, seating arrangements and gift giving.

Receiving Lines

In officialdom, receiving lines are arranged according to rank, with an aide making the introductions. The Chief of State is positioned before the host at the head of the receiving line.

Socially, though, the host would stand at the head of the receiving line, followed by the guest of honor, the host's spouse, and the spouse of guest of honor; the last person in the line should be a man. Spouses can be interchanged, with the guest's rather than the host's spouse standing next to the guest.

At a corporate event, when the host is a woman and the guest of honor a man, this is actually preferable. Better still is to dispense with spouses in receiving lines at business functions unless the guest of honor is from out of town and accompanied by a spouse. Otherwise the lines can become too unwieldy.

It can also prevent any awkwardness or bruised egos caused because female executives pre-empt the wife of the host. Appoint the person with best diction and voice in company, regardless of position, to act as introducer. And, remember to use the "KISS" approach with those receiving lines: keep them short and swift! Set a 30 minute time limit, unless the function is very large. List several executives as hosts on the invitation and have them take turns in line at large functions. The greeters will appreciate a planner's thoughtfulness if there is a runner carpet for them to stand on and chairs behind them to sit on during a lull at large functions.

A female guest would precede a man down receiving line at social functions. In officialdom, however, a man precedes a woman down the receiving line. The dictates of etiquette and protocol are exactly reversed. In both social and official receiving lines, guests should repeat their name after they have passed the host and guest of honor. And, no-one should ever drink or smoke in a receiving line.

To eliminate some of this confusion, alternative approaches are possible. A New York bank, for example, handled the problem of long, boring receiving lines and sensitive spouse egos by dispensing with the receiving line at a cocktail function. Instead, the chief executive of the bank and the guest of honor were stationed in the center of the room. Executives of the company stood at the entrance greeting clients, preferably their own, as they arrived. Then the clients were taken to meet and greet the CEO and the guest of honor. After a few minutes, the executive who had made the introduction would lead the client away to the bar or buffet for refreshments, introduce the client to some of the other guests, then return to the door. The corporate executives also acted as traffic cops because they would detour via the bar or buffet when the CEO was besieged.

Seating Arrangements

Seating arrangements, too, are handled differently under the rules of etiquette and protocol. According to rules of protocol, seating is determined by the rank and status of the guests' official positions or military ranks. Rank takes precedence over a guest of honor. There are several ways a savvy meeting planner can avoid offending a guest of honor by seating according to official precedence. When possible, avoid inviting ranking officials. Alternatively, ask the ranked person to waive the rights of rank, although that can be a sensitive issue, too. Easier would be to divide the seating with the ranked person acting as host at another table. Women are seated according to the rank of their husband unless a higher-ranking female displaces a wife.

In purely social settings, official rank is not an issue. The host and hostess sit across from one another with the male guest of honor on the hostess's right and his spouse to right of the host. Husbands and wives should always be seated apart, and at different tables if there is more than one. Couples are often surprised to learn that neither their marriage vows nor the rules of etiquette compell them to be glued at the hip at social functions. At a corporate events, couples often feel more comfortable by presenting this united front. However, seating couples according to the Noah's Ark convention will never expand their social or business horizons.

Awkward situations occur all the time because executives are not above changing around place cards to suit their wants and needs, leaving corporate event planners fuming. One can almost forgive the executive who switched names to put his most important client next to him, thereby upsetting the male-female seating at one table. But one can only wonder how the executive, who changed place cards at a formal dinner to put his wife next to him and talked only to her all night, managed to reach his level of incompetence so soon in life. The best way to avoid these scenarios is to get executive buy-in before the event. Send memos and hold a briefing prior to event. Then, have a door list and/or table cards with a blown-up table plan at the door. Also, have a no-show contingency seating plan. Debrief after the event to set the stage for the next time.

Gift Giving

As a protocol concern, accepting gifts has been prohibited as long ago as 1236 in Venice when ambassadors were forbidden to accept gifts without the consent of the Doge or the Assembly.

According to Section 9, Article 1 of our Constitution, originally no public official could accept any present, office or title from any king, prince or foreign state without consent of Congress. As Congress grew, however, they relaxed the rules a bit and finally passed the Foreign Gifts and Decorations Act in 1966, which allows for the acceptance of certain gifts. It is still against US policy, though, to accept gifts unless doing so would cause offense or embarrassment. In that case, the gift should be accepted and turned over to the General Services Administration within 90 days of receipt. Minimal value gifts may be kept as souvenirs or as a mark of courtesy, and expensive gifts can be bought back by the officials. Former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger, for instance, paid $4,636 for a diamond necklace Mrs. Kissinger received from Pakistan.

When giving gifts socially, make sure that the gift is appropriate to the person, to your budget, and to the occasion. Appropriate gift-giving always pays far greater dividends than the time and money incurred in selecting the gift. There are no restrictions on what you can accept, and it is perfectly proper to refuse a gift if you feel it is inappropriate. Just remember to accept or refuse the gift graciously. And, even if you had to refuse, always send a thank you note for the thought or the gesture, if not for the gift.

When preparing party favors and gifts for a business function, beware of blatant corporate logos and product samples. They smack of advertising rather than giving. Make sure that the gift and the presentation suit the event to ensure that your party favors enhance the event rather than alienate guests.

When making a presentation at a special event, make sure that the what is being given will be perceived as an honor rather than a bribe. Again, the gift must be appropriate to the occasion and to the receiver. And, when making the presentation speech, be sure to focus the wording on the recipient not on the giver.

Etiquette vs. Protocol

By confusing the dictates of etiquette and protocol, it can be very easy to offend guests and spoil the entire effect of an event that may have taken many months to arrange. It helps to remember that social etiquette is based on gender, age, and social status, and it evolves as society changes. Protocol, on the other hand, is very specific, inflexible, and based on rank and status without consideration for gender. Corporate protocol, which governs ceremonies in the business arena, is a distant cousin of official protocol, but it is not so firmly "set in concrete" and allows more flexibility in dealing with particular situations. Business etiquette, the rules of good behavior one follows daily in one's professional life, is a true hybrid. Like protocol, it is based on hierarchy rather than gender, but it evolves more quickly even than social etiquette as the business arena changes. By remembering these distinctions and determining whether events are governed by the dictates of protocol or etiquette, meeting planners are much less likely to tread on thin ice and get themselves into hot water.

Etiquette expert Hilka Klinkenberg is a professional speaker, trainer, consultant, and author of At Ease...Professionally. Through her New York-based company, Etiquette International, she works with organizations who want their people to be more effective and have greater impact in all their interactions.